Sleepless Proposals

I don’t know what it is about October that brings out the ugliest sides of the world, can we blame it on a month made to be scary and dark?

Or is it just a coincidence, I have never really believed in coincidence but I do believe in fate, set in motion by God.

Of course we have free will to change and decided the final outcome of our situation, good or bad. I can not blame where the moon is in the sky for my feelings or actions nor can I truly blame a month for the darkness the world brings out.

Our choices in life are made by us alone, no one else.

I wish I could blame someone for my bad decision but I cannot, I am responsible for them, but they are in the past.

But what is not in the past is current sleepless nights that linger over me as I make my way through this troubling month.

I propose it could be the lack of trying to fix my broken behavior or maybe I no longer need six to eight hours of sleep.

I refuse to call it insomnia, I can’t add another word or phrase to my already growing collection of hospital records.

I don’t mind the late nights up watching tv, reading a book or sometimes just laying in bed thinking about the past and the bright future ahead.

Being alone in silence with my thoughts isn’t as haunting as it once was.

I think I’m starting to embrace the darkness the night sky holds for me.